Boys and Summer

Wow...these boys are growing up fast. Too fast. It wasn't that long ago Chris and I had NO clue what being a parent meant or what unconditional love meant. We had no idea how hard it would all be. Reward and pride in the same moments as frustration and heartache. We had no clue that loving these little beings with all we had also meant letting them learn to fail all by themselves. We try to protect them but the truth is the older two are beginning to figure out this life is not all roses and balloons all the time. Kinda makes me sad they have to realize that this early in their little lives. 

Tate will be in middle school in the fall. 6th grade.  He has grown up so much this past year. Yes...he IS almost as tall as me. Not quite...but almost! 😉 He's maturing and getting a little braver with his eye rolling abilities. (He's quickly figuring out that's not going to fly around here.) He finished up his school year starring in his 5th grade play. Seriously. I don't mean to brag..(but I will), he was unbelievably AMESOME!!! So proud of this kid and who he is, what he believes and the young man he's becoming. 6th grade, be ready...he's headed your way!

TanMan is finishing up an amazing year of 3rd grade. He has really blossomed this year. His compassion for others is HUGE!  He is always the one to befriend those without many friends and take the lead on making them feel valuable and important. Couldn't ask for anything more. He is an AMAZING big AND little brother! He truly loves with his whole being. His dream? To own a zoo. Yep. This kid loves animals and wants to share them with the world. Loving, caring, always smiling, and makes us laugh constantly. He brightens our world. 💗

TuckTuck ~ our baby. Although he's not much of a baby anymore. This kiddo is hilarious. He seriously is the best of both of us. He, for sure got his Daddy's charm which is either going to get him IN or keep him OUT of trouble in future years. He has officially graduated preschool and will be in Kindergarten at Tanner's school in the fall. To say he is excited is an understatement. To say Mom is excited is a lie. Can't he just stay 5 forever? Please??? Tucker is our "dance-party in the kitchen" leader and the one who will make you smile when you feel like crying.  He's pretty awesome. And being cute doesn't hurt. 

Summer is booked and we are on our way! From the Scottish Highland Games with all the MacNicol's to camping at the lake for a couple of weeks to celebrate my 40th (gasp!) to rafting the Hiawassee as our-end-of-summer tradition, it's sure to be an exciting adventurous summer! Can't wait to make memories that will last a lifetime!

Oh these boys. Can't imagine our lives without them. They keep us running from one thing to the next. They keep us laughing constantly and they keep reminding us how blessed we truly are. Thankful beyond words. 

Hope y'all have an amazing summer full

of sprinklers, Popsicles and loads of fun! ☀️

Soooo, turning 40 might hurt a little....

I was debating on putting this to paper but I think it might help me process this whole surreal unforgettable event. 

My bestie and I planned a trip to celebrate our birthdays. Special birthdays...special friends. You see, our moms were friends when they were pregnant so we had 40 years worth of our friendship to celebrate! We planned our trip...to the beautiful Dominican Republic.  Flight booked, all-inclusive resort. All we needed to do was pack and hop on the plane and that's exactly what we did. ☀️

Beautiful weather at a beautiful resort. We relaxed on the beach, did a little paddle boarding and laughed A LOT. 

The water was amazing. Crystal blue and green and almost completely clear in some spots. 

On Saturday, we were just finishing a dip in the ocean with plans to go hang out at the pool when I stepped down and felt the instant mind-blowing pain. I pulled my foot out of the water and saw lots of blood and a white bony thing sticking out. I instinctively pulled this foreign object out of my foot and screamed in pain. At the time I had no idea, but I had stepped on a stingray and the "bony thing" was a 2 inch poisonous barb that had inserted itself into my foot. Pain like nothing I've ever felt before. Instant. Harsh. I tried to constrain myself but I just couldn't. My bestie, KK, who was only an arm reach away immediately grabbed me and drug me to shore.  Someone had gone to get help and within minutes a lifeguard swooped me up and took me to the pool area. He applied pressure to stop the bleeding but quickly realized this was more than just a cut. He quickly took me to the resort "infirmary" where they assumed I'd been stung by something, bandaged me up and had the lifeguard carry me to our room. There I lay. Writhing in pain. KK went to get ice.  Then she went to get help. This was NOT getting better. My leg was starting to swell and the pain wasn't letting up. Somehow she found a wheelchair and took me back to the infirmary. There, I received IV meds for pain. It didn't help. They quickly gave me another dose. Nothing. My leg was swollen to my knee and it was getting red and hot. I was screaming. Blood-curdling screaming. I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop it. It was ALL I could do. It was time to hit the road. I was loaded into an "ambulance" which resembled a make-shift mini van with the seats pulled out and a gurney tied to the floor. I didn't care. "Get me some help and fast" was all I was thinking. It took about 30 min to get to the hospital in La Romana. I yelled the whole way. 

It was a terribly long ride. One KK and I both thought would never end. Once we arrived, the back hatch to the ambulance was opened by a kid. I don't remember much but I remember that and thinking "Oh my! What am I doing here?!?!" 

Once inside, NO ONE spoke English. No one. They called a Doctora that could communicate somewhat with KK.  They administered 3 doses of morphine and then I heard the words "We are going to need to sedate her."  What?? What are you going to do? At the moment, I didn't care. I just needed some relief. It had been 3 hours since I stepped down on this thing, and I needed something to make the pain stop. As they were putting the oxygen mask on me, I told KK to tell my family that I loved them. I have NEVER been so scared in my life. I wasn't sure if I'd wake up and if I did I wasn't sure I would have all of my limbs intact. I prayed and trusted that God was going to take care of me and take care of KK. That was all I knew to do. 

For 2 hours, KK said I moaned and groaned while under sedatation. They cleaned my puncture wound and inspected the area, then decided I needed to stay the night in ICU. At that point they moved me to a room and locked the door behind me...without KK. She was having NONE of that. She found a nurse who spoke some English and insisted that she be with me in ICU. (Thankfully she is pretty bossy).  Once I woke up they took my swimsuit off and offered me a "shower" which consisted of  a cold bucket of water poured over my head while I stood on a tile. Miserable, still groggy from the meds and a bloody yucky painful foot. I changed into a gown and settled into my bed for the night. KK right next to me, holding my hand the whole time.  

The night was long. There were no alcohol swabs being used when they administered meds into my IV. There were no gloves on the nurses hands. There was a man who had just had brain surgery of some kind in the bed right next to mine -only separated by a curtain. The  toilet in the bathroom inside icu didn't flush so any toilet paper had to be thrown in the trash can next to the small sink. 

This was the view right outside the door of the hospital. It was unlike anything we'd ever experienced before. 

The next morning we were ready to get out of there and get home as fast as we could. Unfortunately that took some time. My foot was wrecked. (Beware the following pictures):

I was drowsy from the drugs and terrified of infection. 

We finally were discharged. We made it back to the resort that afternoon and made it to our flight the following morning. ✈️ 

It was not the relaxing birthday celebration we had dreamed of but I am so thankful for my bestie and all that she endured. I can say she has definately improved her Spanish during the past week! Haha! 

I saw my Internist today. 4 days post injury. He was amazed at my story. I got a tetanus shot, rosefen shot and two oral antibiotics to try to prevent infection and reduce the toxins still in my foot. 

I am on the mend. As bad as it was I am so thankful that things weren't worse. I have never been so happy to be back in the States and home with my family. Much love to my lifelong friend who fought for me and with me through the whole traumatic experience. 

My boys. My heart. ❤️

Being Thankful...all the time

So ...lots of people are putting their daily "thankful's" on FaceBook during the month of November. While I think this is the PERFECT time to do this (I mean, it is Thanksgiving season) I hate the fact that we, as a society, leave it to only one month.  What would happen if we were speaking out our "thankful's" each and every day? 

This year has been a great one for our crew. And maybe that's because we've come out the other side  from all of 2012's struggles and heartaches. We've seen where we've been while navigating this path of our lives, and in that we have learned to appreciate the little things a little bit more.  I'm not saying I don't get down, become selfish, want for more... But in the broad scope of life, we've got things pretty darn good here. 

We've got our health, our loved ones, our friends, our Faith.  

Since last year and all my health issues with lupus, we have been going, going, going. Some people (who mean well) have said "You need to slow down."  "You are doing too much."  And my least favorite: "You are going to make yourself sick...again".  For those who have said it (or maybe even thought it) it's okay. I know you have no idea what it means to have a chronic illness. To be sick at random times, for random lengths of time, with random, alternating, confusing symptoms. There's no way you could possibly understand that after laying in the bed for six straight weeks twice in one year, watching life go on without participating in it; why I would ever think of slowing down, staying still, taking it easy.

 You see, Lupus has taught me a lot about myself. It has taught me a lot about pushing through difficult times. It has taught me a lot about having faith when I have absolutely zero control over my illness. It took me along time to not feel guilty about being sick. I didn't cause lupus. Nothing I'm doing or not doing will cause my illness to flare.  Yes, I can take care of myself, eat right, exercise and be the healthiest I can be on what I can control, but there is so much I can't control about lupus. So in the midst of the struggle, I try to count my blessings. I try to be grateful. Everyday. There's not a day that goes by when I'm not fully aware of this "thorn in my side". I may look healthy, smile through the pain and pretend like my body is not fighting itself, but the truth is...it is. And for that I'm thankful. For everything this disease has taught our family.  For everything I've learned while traveling this road... about myself, my marriage, my children.  

So you may not see my daily thankful posts, but I'm trying to be thankful (even in the hard stuff) everyday. And I challenge you to do the same. Carry your gratefulness not just through November but all the way through 2014. I promise it'll open your eyes to so much more and the big things will turn into the little things. Before you know it, the little things will just disappear. :)

You are chosen.

Okay, let's go ahead and get the white elephant out of the room. Yes...it's been over a year since I posted anything about our little world. Truth is...life's been busy. We've had ups and we've had downs. 

I'll try to do better. Honestly I will. No promises though cause that just adds one more thing to my to-do list. 😁

YOU ARE CHOSEN

So I'm at the ReCreate women's conference last night and Priscilla Shirer is speaking. Talking about how we all are here at this specific time for a specific purpose. That is doesn't have to be that we are a huge speaker or a major worship leader - that we are entrusted by God to empower those in our little circle. To encourage and lift up our husbands, to form and mold the souls of our children. To be examples to our friends and coworkers. She talked about trials and heartache and how at times we may feel "cheated" because our life is not what we imagined.  I thought of my little "neck of the woods" and what all our own family has endured...in terms of sickness, finances, heartaches, disappointments, etc.   I thought of my family and my friends... all who have taken their own journey and paths through life. (I would have to say most of us probably are not where we thought we should be at this age and stage of life.) 

And then she said:

"You were not cheated...

You. Were. CHOSEN"

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Life sucks. Illness sucks, heartache sucks, trials/suffering ...it all sucks. But we have a purpose and a plan. We can take our situation. Our life. And make it a light for our circle. We can give Him our burdens, our cares and press on to make a difference in someone else's world.  We can look at our current situation and know (trust) that God is positioning us to be here at this very moment while he is preparing us for something greater.

I just know how I've felt with lupus in the past.
I'm not cheated...I'm chosen.

You are not cheated...you are chosen.

To be a daughter, son, sister, brother, mom, dad, aunt, uncle, friend, neighbor, co-worker. 

You.  Are.  Chosen.

Your circle. His plan. This is what He chose you to do. Maybe not forever but for right now and I truly, honestly believe he is positioning us all for something greater.

I felt the nudge to share.  So... I did.
❤️

Where are we?

Here! We are here! :)

Thankfully at this very moment I'm with my little family at the beach, enjoying the salt water, the fresh air and the time that I've been craving with the boys and Chris.  I've felt so isolated these last 6 weeks being sick and in the bed.  I'm excited to say that I am feeling MUCH better!  My energy level is rising every day, I've got almost zero pain and there is HOPE in my heart.  I'm fighting.  I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to prove Lupus wrong. :)

Tate, Tanner and Tucker enjoying our first day.

I'm still on a ton of meds~ hoping to wean off of them sooner rather than later.  But I've also taken control of some things that I wanted to share.

So I've changed the way I'm eating.  No grains, no sugar, no dairy.  Basically I'm going back to the basics.  Meat, Veggies, Fruit, Nuts and Seeds are what my food consumption consists of.  Let me tell you what a change it has been in just a few days:


As you know, I've had a recent lupus flare that left me spending 6 weeks in the bed while visiting the ER twice and having home-health delivering upwards of 180mg of IV steriods over 3 days.  This time lupus attacked my lungs, lymph nodes and voice box.  It's been painful and debilitating. I'm taking 22 pills a day and have had no voice for weeks.  I'm done waiting on things to get better.  I'm fighting. I decided it might be time to at least look at it- so I ordered the book,(after much encouragement from a good friend) The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson.

Last Friday (5/25/2012) I made the change.  Mind you I was in the bed for 2 days before (plenty of time to read).  After 1 days of eating "primally", I was up and out of the bed with a little bit energy and almost no pain (and on my way for to a beach trip that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make).  Today it's Wednesday- Day 6 of "primal living"- My voice is completely back - no hoarseness at all.  I feel "almost normal" which is a HUGE difference from this time last week when the most I moved was from the bed to the bathroom to the couch.  I'm convinced that my life is about to change in a dramatic way.

My hubby, Chris (who is fit and energetic) is completely on board and my boys are about to get a big awakening from the pop-tarts/cereal breakfast. :)

This is just the beginning of my success story (seeing as it's not even been a week yet) but I am convinced in the method and I'm walking proof that what we eat can change everything within our being.  

I know that I don't have total control of this disease and what happens in the future.  Thankfully God is WAY more qualified than I am in handling my life :) - He's proven himself over and over again.  However, it does feel good to know that now I'm eating what He's providing.  His hand is on everything - not the hands processing and adding things to our foods.  It's not hype. Just the truth. I challenge you to check it out.  See what you think and make your own decisions.  Give it 21 days.  Heck give it a week!
The more I learn the more it makes sense to me and I bet it will to you too.

Just wanted to share what I'm learning through this trial:

1.  God is ALWAYS in control and He NEVER leaves us.  In fact, when things get hard, He's the one that     carries us through. He's the one that's strong when we are weak.

2.  My friends are some of the BEST people I could ever imagine knowing.  We have been completely overwhelmed by your love, support and acts of kindness during these past 2 months. From carpools, playdates, cards, food and most of all , your prayers.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

3. My family is unbelievable.  Simply unbelievable.  I can't imagine what it must be like for them to watch and not be able to "fix" the problem.  Thank you for keeping me encouraged, for letting me cry and for just holding my hand.  And thank you for celebrating the little steps forward with me because as much as the news was bad...I couldn't wait to share the small victories with you! :)

4.  My boys.  All 4 of them (including Chris).  :)  I'm so excited to be able to play with them again.  To watch them enjoying life. To be able to participate and not just sit on the sidelines of life is an amazing feeling.  So thankful for each of them and the special love they give to me.  So proud to be a Mommy and Wife.

So that's it.  The update.  I told you I would write again when I was feeling better and enjoying summer and that is TODAY.

See ya soon!
t

Seeing the Light at the End of the Tunnel ~

Wow...it's been a few months since I posted.  Time flies when things are crazy! ha!  I promise I'm going to try to be better at this ~ had every intention of posting at least once a month!  Good intentions....

So life's been a little "on-hold" lately.  Lupus has reared its ugly head and decided to take its place in my lungs (Lupus Pleuritis)  Needless to say - not a fun experience.  I've been in the bed for 4 weeks now...showing some improvement lately.  Baby steps, but improvement none the less.  Not to bore you with the ins-and-outs of this disease but if you don't know a lot about it - its something to behold.  It's known as "the most misunderstood disease" because it mimics so many other diseases.  It can take years to diagnose and no two lupus patients present the same way.  It can attack ANY part of your body (lungs, heart, skin, kidneys, etc)  It's basically an attack of your immune system on all your healthy cells, which causes inflammation, scarring and hosts of other issues.  It comes and goes in a series of relapses and  remissions so lots of people "look great" and are still very sick.  As of today,  I'm on 22 pills just to keep things at bay and most of the meds are toxic in their own right - causing a load of nasty side effects and putting me at risk for other diseases.   

May is actually Lupus Awareness Month. www.lupus.org   Some might say perfect timing for people to see how yucky lupus can really make a person feel.  I know lots of you have been praying for me as I've been keeping things updated on Facebook.  You have no idea how much it means to read your encouraging words and know that you are in my corner and are understanding of this disease as best you can.  Amazing friends and family I have. :)

And with saying that- let me brag (just a bit) on my wonderful hubby, Chris.  I love that man.  He is my ROCK.  He has been with me every single step of the way and loved me through it all.  He knows just what I need when I need it ~ whether its something to eat/drink, hold my hand, give me a hug or to just sit with me and let me cry.   Sometimes he's bossy and makes me sit down and quit talking but I know he's right.  (Just don't tell him!) ha!  In the midst of the past month, he has taken over and taken care of everything.  The kids, the house, his job...all while not complaining, watching me suffer and knowing there is nothing he can do to "fix this".  Hard for a loved one, I know.  He's a very special Husband and Daddy and I am so thankful for him.  We celebrated 14 years of marriage on May 9th and I honestly can say that I love him more today than I did on our wedding day!  Thank you Chris for all your love and support.

Also want to say how thankful I am for Mom, Dad and Mandy along with all my wonderfully giving friends  and family who have stepped up for car-pooling, dinners, breakfasts, phone calls, emails, love and prayers.  The MacNicol House could not be functioning without every single one of you and your thoughtfulness. Always asking "What can I do for you?"  We are overwhelmed by all the love.

Our boys ~  oh my they are growing up so fast!  Just finished baseball season and unfortunately I wasn't able to attend the last few weeks of games, which I hated.  But they are such troopers! Tucker wakes up every morning, runs to our room and says "Good morning Mommy!  Are you feeling better today?"  So very precious.  They are my SMILES.  Tate and Tanner have been so helpful - they even dusted and vacuumed the house for me this week!   :)  They have been handling this all remarkably well.  Had a few worries and concerns (of course) but we are being honest with them and answering all the questions they have.  This is the Mom they know, and I struggle with that, but I also know that God has a bigger plan and he is preparing them for their own lives one day. We are trusting the He will use these times to make them better Husbands and Daddy's in the future. :)

One more note and then I'm done.  (I know this is a long one....)

On  June 9th we are taking a stand against Lupus while participating in the Lupus Walk here in Birmingham.  We would LOVE for you to join us!  Even if you can't be present you can still help by making a small donation to help us raise awareness and to find a CURE!  

For more info:  LUPUS WALK FOR NOW BIRMINGHAM

Next time I post- hoping it'll be to tell you how great my health is doing and how we are enjoying the first of SUMMER!! 

t

What I've learned from Lupus

There are a few things having a chronic disease will teach you.  I thought I'd share them.  They are not in any specific order.

1.  You will learn how to "fake it" better than most.   There are only a select few that see you at your worst.  The rest see you struggling...with a smile.

2.  You will count your blessings...sometimes by the minute.

3.  You will see God's promises and TRUST them.  Sometimes through the pain, that's all you've got.

4.  You will feel helpless for not being able to do the things you once did.

5.  You will be frustrated that those close to you can't understand  AND be grateful at the same time.

6.  You will feel guilty as your children play outside and you lie in the bed.

7.  You  will hate texting your friends to tell them that you can't make it for lunch because you need to go back to bed.

8.  One day you will feel like you can take on the world...the next day like you could sink to the bottom of it.

9.  You will find out that those who love you...really love you.

10.  You will finally understand what it means to depend on others even when you don't normally like to ask for help.

11.  You will be humbled and amazed at what you can go through and come out stronger on the other side.

12.  Once you allow other's to help, you'll be amazed at how wonderful it makes them feel.

13.  When the simple things exhaust you, you'll come to appreciate the larger tasks.

14.  You become an excellent planner...as every day has to have a balance.

15.  You appreciate your family and friends more than they will ever know.

Walk for Lupus Now
2011

16.  You will look healthy, so most people will not have a clue that you are sick.

17.  Even though other's may not know, you NEVER forget you have this disease.  It's with you wherever you go.

18.  Your "good" days will never be the same.

19.  Your life has to change.  Period.  It's up to you how to keep living it.

20.  Even through Lupus or another chronic illness, you have to remember that God works all things to the good.  Always.

I've recently had the revelation that:

Because of Lupus, I am a stay-at-home mom which was always my dream.  

Because of Lupus, I have made some amazing friends that I might not have otherwise met.  

Because of Lupus, I am part of a support group that can help encourage others that are struggling with this disease.  

Because of Lupus, I know how strong I really am.  

Because of Lupus, my Faith is stronger that it has ever been and my relationship with God is like its never been.  

Because of Lupus, I am okay with just being me.

The "Walk for Lupus Now" in Birmingham is June 9th.  

If you would like to join my team and walk with us or make a donation; you can sign up here: http://walkforlupusnowbirmingham.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1012285&lis=1&kntae1012285=02DABCF8B92D433088AEC9CDD524A498&supId=265750248    

As always, thanks so much for your love and support.